Three Ways To Improve your Birthday

birthdayI hate birthdays. Well, maybe, I don’t hate all birthdays, just mine. I am sure my dislike of them has something to do with childhood, but who does not have childhood issues?

So in honor of my Birthday month, I have comprised a list of three ways to spend your birthday, because loved ones will make you celebrate it even if you don’t want to.

1. Be Queen or King of Mount Pillow Fort.  This is serious. Find every blanket and pillow in the house and build your own castle. The benefits from this will be twofold. First, most adults will decide you have lost your mind for the day and leave you alone. Second, if your loved ones do want to be apart of your pillow fort kingdom, they are your subjects and thus can be directed to do things to entertain you; I suggest assigning a court jester and a royal chief, preferably not the same person. This will allow you to have a stay-cation in the comfort of your own living room, with good food.

2. Demand a $100 dollar store shopping spree. Ok, most people might think this is insane; however, think about all the weird things at the dollar store. Think of it as an adventure.

You abruptly change directions , swinging right into the 1980s worst sellers book isle. Their pages still smell of Aqua-Net and invoke a forgotten fear of Molly Ringwald movies. You cling to your IQ, hoping as you sink into a low crouch to avoid the horrid, never sold political commissaries. You are safer down with the imposter power ranger coloring books.  Suddenly you are snagged by an underwear hanger displaying its yellowing prize. Are those skid marks? You leap back and fall into the scented candles that retain only a hint of their chemical rose smell.  Finally, you see the glowing exit sign. You dive towards it only to be grabbed and pulled to the floor by nuclear green garland. You vision goes blank as you smash to the ground; the question of why they have Holiday decorations so soon is the last thing to go through your head.

Ok, maybe, I am the only one that would find a jungle themed dollar store shopping trip exciting; however, using a jungle theme at the mall would make it more bearable.

3. Grab your favorite person and get away. What is the best part of taking a road trip on your birthday – no post-party clean up. Road trips are great ways to relax and see the random  parts of world. Take your favorite person and go on an adventure. Why not see the world’s largest ball of yarn? Devote the day to car karaoke and the odd things that appear to be attracted to the side of interstates, except crazy looking hitchhikers. Grab a map (yes, remember those annoying paper things? ) and pick a random dot on the map. Explore it. Even if the destination stinks, you journey will be priceless, with the right companion.

Whatever you do for your birthday, just remember to have fun. Birthdays are not just for us; they are a chance for everyone you love to take a break from life’s stresses and celebrate. If they don’t celebrate you they will find something else, and that could get people arrested.

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